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Seriously, even after living together for a good 2 years... I still don't feel like I belong here and I do feel shitty having to put up with; acting like and pretending to be. It is just so freaking tiring and stressful for me.

I don't understand why doesn't they respect me for who I am. What I mean was... I am fine that they doesn't agree to my religious views because different people has different point of views. But me, I believed. So why don't you all keep the awful comments to yourself instead?!!

Ok. I guess all of you are so blurred as in why am I getting all so pissed and unhappy. Allow me to do the explanation...

It all started with 'them' trying to organize a dinner for a Post Mother's Day Celebration @ the restaurant which I held my wedding dinner at, with that, I'm fine with it. And then they randomly fixed a date without asking for opinions, I'm too fine with it. As it happened to be on a Saturday. One of 'them' couldn't make it due to hectic work schedule therefore they changed it to a Sunday. But after changing, another one couldn't make it cause he's going for a short get-a-way trip. Then they finally settled on today, which is Vesak Day.

It happened to me that today is a special day for the Buddhist therefore it is a 'no meat' day for me. So I sounded out to 'them', telling them that I won't be able to eat because I will be on Vegetarian for the whole of today. However, I got nasty comments instead, like...

"Aye, what's the big issue, you go there take Vegetables lor. Else you seat beside 'who' to share her portion of vegetarian food lar."

"Tell your shifu, you will be on Vege till 6pm. After that you can have your feast with us liao, our dinner starts at 7pm."

So you guys know what's gotten me so mad? I mean 'they' wanted to celebrate 'Mother's Day', obviously I should have a share too because they claimed that I am a mother also. Therefore should go "enjoy" myself. But now you see why am I so mad?

Simple as that... because I am not happy so what makes them think that I would be enjoying myself when they needed me there just to add to the numbers they required for the tables they have reserved.

I mean so what if I assumed that was the case. So what?! I mean wasn't it obvious... 'Others' said they can't make it, they quickly rearrange a date to suit them. When I say I can't make it, they told me all the craps.

The main issue is, these 'others' ain't a mother but I am. So this is how they wanted me as a mother to celebrate my Mother's Day. Give me a F-ing good reason that I should go when me, as a mother myself don't really bother about this special day. My reason being that my son is still so young, he won't know what's the meaning or purpose of this occasion. And frankly, as a mother myself, I did already be so happy and contented that my son is learning to call me, "ma....mee, ma.. ma.. or mee..."

Therefore I come to this conclusion that they only bother about their own Mother's Day, not that Mother's Day as a whole. Then I see no point of me wasting my money to be there to tolerate their comments of me serving my 'no meat day' on Vesak Day. Agree?!

I totally agrees. I think being me, I have done my part and giving in my very best. Therefore I see no reason of me being selfish to myself just to be kind to others. I've finally learnt this... being kind to others is being selfish to yourself. And since I cannot put up with the shit that I will be going through, why should I give in?

xoxo,
a lifetime promise